I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this for a few days. Whether it’s a bulleted learning-type post or just a flat out public diary entry. I’ve vacillated between being very open about all this, to closed and calculated.
But the hell with it. Open up. Today is my last day at Thunderdome.
I’ve known that for two weeks now. And it’s been a hell of a two weeks. Everyone has been amazing. The support, job help, kind words and tweets have blown me away. I am pretty sure I haven’t even responded to them all, but I’m trying.
Today is a terrible, rotten, no-good day. In a way, spending three months at Thunderdome was a taste of the good life. I had just gotten into my rhythm when this all went down. My snapchats were perfect, to start with.
So, today, I am spending threatening to cry, as I have been for two weeks. It’s been up and down. On a day with a job interview, I think that it will all be OK and I’ll land well, as everyone says. Some days, I wake up, thinking about and missing the amazing people I work with.
— Julie Westfall (@JulieWestfall)April 17, 2014
It is hard to walk away, forced or not. I feel like a part of this, even after three months, and I feel like an fraud in everything else, thanks to Impostor Syndrome.
You’d think that being laid off twice before would have prepared me for this, but it didn’t. Honestly, getting laid off will rip your heart out every time. It can also be an amazing twist in the road, but it always hurts.
Bullet-pointed, three things I’m trying to remember.
Good bosses are there for you . I have this feeling Robyn, Jim and Steve will be there for me when I need it. So far, they’ve given me advice and left kind words behind them as they scoop through the journalism world, trying to get us all hired. In an interview yesterday, I was surprised to learn Jim had gotten there first and talked to the person about me without my knowing.
That’s not to mention Julie, who I was already friends with, and was just as an amazing boss as I had hoped. I’ve had a few bad bosses in my career, and these guys reminded me that a boss can be a mentor and a friend.
Thunderdome will live forever. I sometimes have a hard time with failure, mostly because it’s a key part of the sadness that can sometimes plague me. But it also excites me, once I get to the good part. We didn’t fail. We tried. And we learned. We’re all walking away with ideas and plans in our heads. I’m pretty sure we’ll be conspiring and drinking for the rest of our lives, in some fashion.
There are good things next. The question of what is next is pretty open. I’ve already had some amazing discussions with places I can’t believe even know my name. And I’ve talked to places about things that make my skin prickle with excitement with the sense of doing something new. I will be OK. You won’t catch me announcing anything soon. I’m going to take my time and think about what sort of shop I want to be at, and hopefully help lead.
Meanwhile, I’ve made minor attempts at getting somewhere with my fiction writing, something I’ve never really given up on.
tl;dr How am I doing? OK. Just OK. But I will be better. Mostly, I will miss all of the fine people I’m now lucky enough to call friends.
(Sorry that this is eerily similar to my post two weeks again. Again, writing as processing.)